What was an obstacle that you had to overcome being undocumented?
When I moved here, I think I was very much aware of the fact that I was going to be undocumented, so it wasn't something that I found out later, but I don't think I truly understood what it meant to be undocumented… it was something that I was continuously processing throughout, well you know, just growing up. As I grew older, it started meaning different things because there was more that I found out about the things that I could and couldn't do being undocumented like when my friends would go on vacation and my parents didn't like to go that far because they didn't have the proper licenses for a bit and they don't want to travel very far. Recently, for example, I just took one of my first trips kinda far– I went to Georgia and that was such a crazy experience that I even did that because I was so used to...limiting myself and the things that I could reach.

As I was getting older, again, I was just understanding more and more things, [so] when I was in high school...I had an identity crisis and I was applying to college and that meant the next big thing that I was going to do. I guess I never really understood how limiting it was to be undocumented sometimes in spaces until I was applying to colleges and thinking about like my social security number and FAFSA and applying to TAP and getting financial aid. Then, [I] realized that “oh, you just have to be a really good student and get a scholarship and that's your best bet in order for you to get the aid to go to school.” So that was a really interesting reality check because it was just at a time when I was trying to figure out: what I wanted to do with my life, who am I, and all these other questions. That was really nerve-racking and through that is how I figured out that being undocumented was going to be a common theme of like “oh, it’s really nice that you want to do this but either you have to be to really, really awesome and we have to want to see you want to do this or you're just going to have to struggle as hard as you possibly can to get there.”

I've had a combination of both things happen because I did get a scholarship to go to school, but then I wasn't emotionally ready. I feel ashamed talking about it knowing that: “okay, I finally got there; I finally got what I wanted and then realizing oh, you're not ready for the experience that you just set yourself up for and not even because you’re not smart enough to do the thing– you're definitely smart enough, but you're not emotionally capable of processing all these situations as they're coming at you.” [Also, it was a factor of] not being mature to realize that I needed help and to recognize that that's all that was needed at the time–was talking to someone.

I thought I had reached the peak, the summit I was going to achieve, and maybe not the peak but it was on its way up to greatness. I was living the dream; I was in the American dream to some degree, so I didn't feel like it was right for me to struggle through it, especially knowing that all the sacrifices my parents made for me to get there. Seeing my dad get up at 3 every morning for a while when we lived in NJ; he would come all the way to NYC just to work. [So], just seeing those kinds of sacrifices, it felt really stupid for me to be like, “oh, it's hard”.

You know sometimes, I felt pressured to be like this, thinking that maybe I'll feel validated. Like my presence in society and this country and my existence as a New Yorker, but not really, as an American but not really, would feel validated by it like being successful within the world of academia or any other group that I put myself into. [And I thought that] maybe feeling that acceptance was going to make me feel like deserve to be here. I'm now realizing that we all deserve to be here because we're all human, [so] that's been really hard journey because like it's really about dissociating a lot of the stuff.

What are you future goals and endeavors?
I am currently very excited about working on, well it's weird to say I'm excited by it, but to be working on the climate crisis and what's going on [with] global climate change. It's something that I'm really passionate about and that I want to keep pursuing in my life. I believe that shift that needs to come from our governments and overall is the kind of shift that is going to be transformative [and] I want to be able to, through this thing that I'm very passionate about, change be able to redefine some aspects of myself so that's a goal. More of a personal goal is to just to work on being more comfortable with the process of learning and the process of getting from point A to point B. So, between when I graduate, which hopefully is soon, and when I do want to apply for a Masters I want to be able to be in a place where... I'm actually hype for learning and can be fully part of that experience–where it would be a great learning experience for me but then I could be an asset to a movement like a social movement or any kind of place. Wherever I want to be I just want to be okay in that regard.

What is one advice you’d give an undocumented high school student?
You have to work on yourself and then figure out what it is that you really truly want. It doesn't have to be anything flashy. I feel like we have stop thinking about these flashy things that we can do with ourselves. [Instead we have to think about things] that are going to make us feel like we're are worth it, make us feel like we’re whole, cause that I was chasing all of that and I wasn't really good at it at the way that I was doing it, So I just have to learn how to forgive myself for messing up because I am trying. So just keep trying. Also, realize that sometimes it's okay to just take care of yourself and not be thinking about just “do do do”...I feel like that is another problematic thing with the way that society and the media portrays the dreamer narrative– you have to be like this victim that is sacrificing all your time and all your energy in order to attain this goal. And no(!), we are allowed to take care of ourselves we're allowed to make mistakes were allowed to just be.